The next few months were a roller coaster of emotions. We were so incredibly sad as were our other daughters. It’s hard enough dealing with your own pain but it was especially hard, and still is, when Savannah’s sisters cry. I heard someone say that grief is the price you pay for loving someone. If there were no love , there would be no grief. Thank God for tears. There is so much to share about how God, through our relationship with Jesus, has and continues to sustain us in the midst of this tragedy.

I’ll begin with the week before the accident when Savannah said to me through casual conversation, ”Mom, sometimes I wish I could go to Heaven just to see what it looks like.” We had been studying Heaven during our school time. That was going to be our Biblical focus for this school year. That alone was a God thing. Why did I choose Heaven? A few months befor that I had ordered a CD from Grace to You ministries entitled “What happens when a Christian Dies?”, just because I wanted to know. God was preparing us for this. God says that He will never leave His children or forsake them and He hasn’t but I have a choice to make every day. Do I walk away from Him and blame Him or do I cling to Him for dear life?

In the beginning the days were very long. I would wake up in the morning only to long for the night when I could go back to sleep. God granted us rest at night. For a little while the pain disappeared but the morning always came and the pain was right there waiting for me. Actually, Satan was right there waiting for me. He is the one I hate. He is the reason that death even exists. He only wants to destroy God and His children. I had to wake up every day and put on my armor which is the Word of God. Every morning I was on my face crying to God to give me His strength to make it through this day, and He did. I spent time reading scripture, it is the only source for true comfort, and I needed a new supply every morning. God’s grace is sufficient for me. Jesus doesn’t just let us walk through the valley alone while standing on the mountain saying “Come on, you’re almost there.” No, He walks with us, holding on to us even, carrying us when we can’t walk. He knows how we feel.

Jesus, who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross! Philippians 2:6-8

Jesus, the King of Kings, left Heaven to come to this less than perfect world. A world filled with pain, sorrow and suffering to make a way for us to have eternal life instead of the eternal death we all deserve.

I remember taking out the trash one day and looking up to the sky and saying, “God, help me to trust you again with the safety of my children.”

Before I had finished uttering those words, His spirit whispered to me, ”How much more safe could she be?” He was right. That’s not what I meant but He was right. I miss Savannah terribly but I don’t worry about her. She is living the life that she was created for, her real eternal life. I will see her again because my real home is Heaven. Jesus paid the price for my sin and I accept that gift. When He rose from the dead three days after His murder, He defeated death and hell and Satan. Praise God!!

So often when I’m at my saddest and I question God, he reminds me that He had to watch His son die too. God had the power to not allow Jesus to die but:

God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world but to save the world throught Him. John 3:16-17

God loves us. Savannah’s accident didn’t surprise Him. I believe Jesus was right there on the road with us picking Savannah up to take her to her real home.

Our uncle who is a pastor said to us in the hospital, ”God’s Sovereignty is more important than His power.” Sure God had the power to restore Savannah to what she was before, He’s powerful enough for that, but His Sovereignty, what He wants to accomplish in and through us and her death, is more important. God is more concerned with the eternal picture rather than what is temporary.